Flip the Expectations

I left off writing last with an armful of heavy questions that came out of my year-long journey to uncovering my ugly privilege. By living here away from my home, the context that I had accepted as "normal", I'm beginning to see that first off, there are many many "normals" just as there are many many people and that in reality, my "normal" is not really very normal at all. Not only have I inherited the wealth and social standing of my parents but the race of the privileged majority of my nation. These two great pillars to my privilege stand out to me, but also with them are my conventional religion, my education, my sexual orientation, and my physical ability. In all ways but my gender and leanings to pacifism, my "normal" is preferred by the greater part of society. The way ahead of me is already paved and swept by current laws, history, and established attitudes, so that I walk boldly ahead fearing little.

So now what do I do? I cannot ignore the unfairness that chooses me and leaves others behind. How can I go on living my life with knowledge of such ethical dissonance? How do I make a path from here as a white person engage in dismantling racism? How can I as a rich kid understand the perspective of the impoverished? How can I as an educated woman know how to reach the illiterate? 

The view of Eva and mine intense Mancala game from the loft of the little cabin we camped at over the weekend. Clockwise from top left: Me (in orange), Eva (in gray), Krista (in red), and Jonathan (in blue)
Photo Cred: Evan using his phone in the loft during our technology free weekend

As I felt and continue to feel at New Day with the kids, I actually have no perspective of value to offer to those who have actually struggled. As part of the preferred majority, I have a coddled view of issues bound up in racial, economic and religious discrimination. I haven't seen from what Drew Hart would call "the underside", that is the margin, the borders, the kicked under the rug part of society. From here, one can see the ugliest parts of a so called fair society, the acts willingly ignored by those who can look away. People who live on "the underside" must be familiar with the assumptions of both dominant and subdominant cultures out of the necessity of interacting with both worlds. They are most aware then too of the unconscious lies we can come to accept about "others" because they often have friends and family among those stigmatized groups. 

I've only seen glimpses of "the underside" here in Johnstown (but a lot more than when I was living in the Mennonite sector of well to do Harrisonburg) so that while I am on the way to beginning to understand the complexity of the issues that plague the world, I'm far from the maturity I need to contribute to the discussions of how to move forward. Another reminder that "I don't know anything".

But while I am so far from being equipped to contributing to the dialog righting injustice, I am also aware of how with great privilege comes great responsibility. Uncle Ben told this to Spiderman of course but so did Jesus to his followers - "...From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." (Luke 12 : 48b) We who have the truth of the gospel are compelled to take what we are given, each of us having been given a life so unique, and give it back through work for Christ. Our submission of our lives to mimic the sacrifice of Christ builds the Upside Down kingdom where we lose all to receive all, suffer greatly to experience depth, and serve others to be served ourselves. Each of us has been given at least something and now we give it back. I read in David Brooks' The Road to Character this concept explained in a secular context. He wrote that a true vocation does not revolve around the self, instead, "In this method, you don't ask, What do I want from life? You ask a different set of questions: What does life want from me? What are my circumstances calling me to do?" With the recognition that we are not independent from our world, that we have been everything we are from our world, we find that we have a duty to our world, to not do only want we personally want, but to find purpose in finding solutions to the present problems in the world. Taking what we are, we must strive to fulfill the needs that life has placed before us or as Brooks quotes Frederick Buechner, "At what points do my talents and deep gladness meet the world's deep need?" Those who have much talent, much wealth, much privilege have much opportunity to meet the world's deep, deep need. 

Hanging out waiting to make supper during our camping weekend. Some of us went for a normal picture, the other half didn't. From left to right: Jonathan, Leah, Eva, Me, Abby
Photo Cred: the ever-photo-credit-desperate Evan 

I'm surveying the needs of this world in the vocational stillness of this year and looking then to myself in hopes to see the solution. However, I'm finding within myself few distinct, applicable skill sets and more just plain, old potential that's a little daunting to try to match to a calling. Don't worry, I'm working on getting it sorted out. 

I do know, where ever I go, whatever I find myself doing, I want it to be service. Of course any work can be service, not every Christian can be a pastor or missionary, land must be farmed, clothes produced, power generated, roads plowed, public bathrooms cleaned and so forth. Indeed, we are called to work the gospel into every act that we do knowing that we represent the kingdom with our integrity and selflessness. Paul writes in Colossians, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." This attitude of working for God and not self embodies the Christ-like surrender we are demanded of in our whole life. Dorothy Sayers in her Letters to a Diminished Church writes something similar about the "laborer's duty to his work". She argues that in a materialistic culture, "the fallacy is that work is not the expression of man's creative energy in the service of society, but only something he does to obtain money and leisure" (emphasis added). No one can serve two masters, so it makes sense that our work really isn't about providing for ourselves comfort, but in the loving service of God and consequentially his people. 

As I look to the service I will one day do, I never want to forget that it's not about me. What do the hungry need, the shelter-less, the injusticed, the ignorant, the lonely? Where are the least of these? That's where I want to be, continually reminded of my blessings, continually forced to admit my inadequacy, continually fulfilled only by God.

Look, it's me skiing

This acknowledgment my gifts and the desire to serve along with the realization my own powerlessness to grasp the complexity of unjust systems makes a treacherous balance. In my zeal to serve I might fall prey to the ever ruthless "white savior complex." In thinking that my way best, that to me has been given the light of God, that I can be the driving force of change in a broken world, I run the risks of harming communities out of my ignorance, of dehumanizing individuals I deem necessary to "save", of believing that in my (white) privilege I can discredit others, of even thinking that it is me doing the work and not God. How many well meaning youth groups or missionaries have set out with their agenda and enforced their way on people they targeted as in need? More insidiously, how often do we unconsciously assume that issues of the black or poor communities could be remedied by replacing black culture for white? Hart mentions often in his book, the importance of empowering leaders already within marginalized communities, or giving value to the culture of peoples that has already been widely devalued.

On the other side of the balance is the selfish manifestation of the need to consume. As a person seeking training and perspective stepping into a new community, I could become an unremitting drain to community members. Just as short term missions or even short term employees strain the resources and energy of organizations because of their inefficiency to combine with the already established efforts, so would I be to an already established social network as I would ignorantly stumble through an unknown culture. An additional complication would be the tendency of the privileged to control their exposure so that instead of accepting a cultural transaction with humility, they remain still the dominating force even if well meaning. Hart mentions this as a struggle with the white churches attempting to connect with black churches but doing so on their own terms. Power remains un-diffused and the upside down kingdom remains structured right side up. 

The challenge then is the balance of give and take, serve and be served which when done in love becomes the basis of a relationship. That's how we build any relationship after all; it is how we "do life" as some in the young church would say. You listen only to be listened to in turn, share something and get something shared back, laugh at their joke so that they laugh at yours, cook food to share to receive a meal another time, give of yourself in exchange for a living bond. By doing this intentionally with people unlike yourself, you are rewarded with a renewed view of life. 

The farm's pond blanketed in fog and skirted by a softening layer of snow. 

Foremost, we learn there is more than one way to do things! There is more than one way to understand God! Leah from her time at Jubilee serving refugees (then of course being served by them in extraordinary ways) talks about how her friends there taught her about aspects of God she'd never thought about. Hart also makes a point about the values the black church has to offer that are often ignored by other American Christians. Our infinite God is continually showing himself in new ways and it would be ignorant to claim that our so small perspective is big enough to fit him all in view. Sort of as I wrote in The Pinned Butterfly, God can be found in all goodness, of which each of us has a different view. The combination of all human experiences of goodness and glory, past, present and future, is God's manifestation in infinite love. This is why we must read literature! Why we connect with other people! Why we read the Bible! Why we long for music! Why we can't get enough of the beauty of creation! The drive to experience God through connection during our Earthly existence is what I propose (as a naive 18 year old) to be the meaning of life. Applied to cross cultural understanding, this is why we must be willing to see from the perspective of someone who has seen goodness in a very different things than we have. It's part of our search for divinity. 

By sharing the perspectives of others, we also develop a sharpened awareness of injustices. Through dear relationships, the hardships we used to be able to comfortably shelve in our minds, become personal. Coming to know the hearts of the oppressed changes people from numbers, groups, and categories back into people with names and lives that are worthy of love.

Our rat problem from this winter is just one, very minute example of this. Our house was built at the turn of the 19th century and is located in a poor section of town by the river. Needless to say, our century old foundation is not rodent proof so that for the last two years, the SA house has had a fair number of rat incidents. Though they occasionally spoil food and present a risk for disease transmission, living with these pe(s)ts isn't as bad as you might think; it's actually probably more fun since Jonathan and I have enjoyed several adrenaline-filled chases behind sofas and under tables. However, we find that our supporting community members are appalled at our living conditions. While visiting churches and having to explain the current status of "the rat saga," we often hear, "you shouldn't have to live like that!" People from our community have been so generous in providing us with an abundance of rat traps, every possible poison (regardless of legality), and help mending weak points in the foundation. I'm grateful for their immense compassion, but why should we not have to live this way? What about our neighbors living in even worse conditions? Who provides them with the tools and support to fight their rats? We have an affluent community (in fact, one that is widely removed from inner Johnstown) intent on watching out for us, but those around us, have no one. Before living in this house, I wouldn't have been able to conceive this one aspect of life in poverty or furthermore, to be able to empathize with the fears that come with it.

The more life I share with the injusticed (the underside), the more my empathy has food to grow. I look at models of service and community living such as Mother Teresa of Calcutta and Shane Claiborne in Philadelphia and see their great loves grown out of shared life with those they looked to serve.

This is Christ's model too isn't it? Jesus was intentional about being in touch with "the underside" of his society. Evan noted in group discussion that while Jesus would teach and correct the religious leaders, the outcasts "were who he basically spent all of his time with." While "doing life" with these people he was engaged with serving peoples' physical well being too - feeding, washing feet and healing. His service to the lowest of people paired with loving relationship was part of how God was breaking down barriers left and right starting with cumbersome Mosaic laws and ending with the curtain of the temple physically rent to pieces after his crucifixion. God's new kingdom flipped the world's expectations on their heads creating a mysterious paradox of truths that work together to renew the shalom God had always intended for his beloved creation. 

The gang (minus Evan, our most artsy and dedicated photographer) while out hiking in the gloriously abnormal February weather. From left: Krista, Me, Leah, Jonathan, Eva, Abby

So then, when I ask the questions of - How do I as a white person engage in dismantling racism? How can I as a rich kid understand the perspective of the impoverished? How can I as an educated woman know how to reach the illiterate? - Christ has provided me the answer. Seek out friends on the underside. Get up close and personal to the issues that affect the lowliest. Strive to improve the lives of others "as you love yourself" in the self sacrifice that speaks the gospel into every work you do. Flip the expectations of what is normal on their heads.

Of course doing this takes immense courage and trust. It is not easy to choose to live in crime-ridden housing districts to be connected to the economically challenged community. It is not easy to attend churches that have really unfamiliar traditions and worship styles. It is not easy to look past potential danger to reach people. It is not easy to choose a career that might not guarantee financial security. It is not easy to build bonds with someone you have little in common with (see A Grasping for Common Ground). It is not easy to leave your comfort zone to engage with people.  It is not easy. 

I only pray I will have the audacity to live with the boldness my call deserves not only as I look to the service I will one day do and the community I will be a part of but also now in my work for Service Adventure and the community I find myself in now. 

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had"

Romans 15:5