Inadequacy

Our pastor was absent last Sunday so Service Adventure got volunteered to take over the sermon time. We took the two weeks prior discussing how to use the time. We all had ideas though as the weekend neared, the fragmentary plans broke down to just me speaking. I thought surely I would be able to compose something worth saying to the congregation, but put it off more and more until it came down to the final evening. I hadn't meditated on a scripture and was in no way confident enough to spend hours delving into commentaries on just anything. Any thoughts that I would consider blogging about seemed too selfish to speak about or too underdeveloped. It frustrated me so much that I couldn't think of something worthy to say, and in fact, often I feel like I have so little to say, I'm so young, so naive, why do people ask me what I think? Secretly I wanted God to fill my mouth with his words that would be profound, eloquent but simple. But he didn't. Maybe it was because I hadn't relied on him enough, but hadn't I been reduced to that last evening? Wasn't I desperate enough?  What I came out with at the end of the night wasn't anything close to something I could be proud about giving, not long enough, not scholarly enough, not profound enough. I almost felt like a failure. And here in this point of weakness as I reflect, I might be able to see an intersection between imperfection and deliverance by God. They always say that God works through weaknesses choosing the smallest people to do the greatest work. It's an Upside Down Kingdom we live in after all. Perhaps when I was pushed to the point of failure, forced to offer something so pitiful, that God could whisper through the cracks. People wouldn't hear my eloquent and profound words but maybe they sensed something more substantial. I hope so, just as I hope that my next "sermon" will be much more admirable. 

Enjoy.

"I am really quite unprepared for this sermon time today. I wrote this last evening even though I was given a week to work, and I was frustrated by not knowing what to say to all of you who know so much more than I do. I am no Bible scholar and though I could have studied some passage through commentaries and cultural studies, I didn’t. Instead, I felt comfortable just relaying some of my recent reflections though it falls far, far below the expectations I would like to have for any sermon I’d want to give.

Throughout my life as part of the church and especially after coming here, I’ve been immersed in the discussion of “how can we do more as believers?” People around me are constantly in a struggle of finding themselves greatly underachieving in the work for God’s kingdom, and people are always speaking especially to youth about doing more, being closer to God, taking the risks we know we should and making a bigger impact. Then I hear also the external pressure of critics of the church especially from my generation as I’m sure most generations say, “The church is full of selfish hypocrites. Why aren’t they doing more?” While here I’ve heard discussions at Stahl Mennonite about being frustrated about the limitations on not being able to be a good neighbor to everyone we meet, and how we have to choose between all the good we can do. I’ve heard members of Blough Mennonite question themselves about the lack of miracles coming from the Holy Spirit in the American church. They asked, “why don’t we see miraculous healings or speaking in tongues here? Why don’t we rely on or even talk about the vast power given to us in by the Holy Spirit.” Within the unit our whole focus is on community outreach and making a difference. Sometimes disturbing questions come to me too, “This money that I am using to buy something I don’t really really need could be going to benefit someone who needs it more than I do. Is it selfish to spend it anyways? How much should I be giving up? How much more could I be doing in the community if I wasn’t taking this time to nap? How much is God asking of my faith?” And then even here at Crossroads I’ve heard you all wrestle with how to expand your ministries and try to understand the balance between works and faith while trying to understand again and again what it takes to be a God’s holy people.

It seems like what we do is never enough. There was always more to give, there are always more people in need, more causes that need champions and more hurt every day that needs the patient healing of love. We feel inadequate amidst all this and when we think about the parable of the separation of the sheep and goats (and geeps), we can’t help but  wonder if we have done enough by our faith.

The short, harsh answer is no, not by a long shot. Though we believe that it is by faith alone we are saved, we also believe that true faith reveals itself through works, that we are compelled to be servants because of the great love that we have experienced. This grace from God, the privilege to know divinity in an intimate way despite our revolting imperfection, compels us to see everyone else on the same plane as ourselves. Of course, loving other people as we would ourselves is much harder to do in the everyday minutes of necessary chores, work, rest and life, than it is to know that that should be our reaction to grace, and that’s what we end up discussing and re-hashing over and over. How do we love people in this particular scenario?

And ,again, it seems like there’s always more we could do to be that love. Everywhere we turn there is brokenness and need. Our efforts to feed, clothe, console, and teach seem to do little to abate the expanse of problems that looms over our society. People are losing hope in what the church has to offer to the hurting world.

From my perspective, however, while I can understand that despair in light of the challenges we face, I can also see the unreasonableness of the church. It’s by its unreasonableness that justifies its cause and purpose. Though the world church with all its diversity and vivacity is a testament to the power of God on it own, I see hope for God’s cause more in individuals.

Just by the sacrifice of wanting to come to church in the morning, by daring to ask questions, by coming together and tediously discuss the ethics that we can only aspire to, by year after year supporting non profits, by for some reason wanting to welcome five strangers to your community for a year, you all are testimonies that the love of God must exist. The irrational drive all of you display for the love of God makes me wonder if critics of the church have ever been to a living church like this one. How could they be so pessimistic if they had really seen and talked to people who are so earnest and graceful?

And perhaps that’s where the catch really is. Like we’ve all probably heard before, God isn’t in the church, he’s in the people.

When the unit traveled to Harrisonburg for the Virginia Relief Sale in October, I took them all to my church, Harrisonburg Mennonite, a church of around 300 to 400 attenders. I was looking forward to showing them what I was used to, a big sanctuary hall with warm stained glass that could be filled with voices in strong four part harmony. When we got there, I realized quickly how many people that I couldn’t introduce because I didn’t know them. I had gotten used to our small services, knowing everyone, and this was so so different. The sanctuary filled with people and I began to look around and realize that I did not know hardly any of them. I’d mainly engaged with my youth group friends, now many of which were away in colleges across the United States. A few people came up and talked to us afterwards, some close family friends but also a few whom I did not know. One couple came up asked about all of the unit and where they were from. To my surprise they continued on to me, “Hello, welcome, where are you from?”  __  “I’m Erin Rhodes, I’m from...here.”

It was a shock to me that even in my own congregation, I could know so few, and that so few of them could know me. It’s a good reminder that God is in individuals, not churches, and I think he works in individuals more than in churches too.

Jesus’ messages were primarily to individuals dealing with aspects of righteous living. The Sermon on the Mount is a prime example. I think it’s only during the Great Commission and afterwards in Paul’s letters that instructions are given to a broader body. Our first role is to be Christlike as individuals going about our personal lives. We should seek correct attitudes of integrity and love first before placing our faith identity in a church. The New Testament is full of these early church individuals like Dorcas who offered hospitality, Ananias who answered the call to heal Saul, Simon the tanner, Barnabas, Timothy, Silas, Lydia, and so many others who through their own callings by their own giftings were able to follow Christ.

If we are being full of salt and light in our everyday interactions with people, willing to share truth, willing to view every opportunity as potential service, and willing to make unpopular decisions, then we will end up standing out. People will see us and it won’t matter if we can convince them to come see our worship services because our lives will challenge them to think about their own.

Church is more for the us anyways; it’s a place we can come and be reminded why we are compelled to serve, not as a place to convert others. Instead, in the Bible you often see Paul and the apostles debating and working miracles among the people on their own. Though churches can offer the combined force of many believers, I think the message is clearer when individuals can go out and meet people where they are in life.

This is what I see here among you all. Though Crossroads may not have the most outstanding defined ministries with youth, homelessness, hunger, visiting jails or anything like that, the love of Christ is so apparent through each of you individually. This is why when I hear you struggling to build up a more impressive children’s program, or to define your mission, or to broaden your outreach with the attitude that you are inadequate, I am concerned because I’m not sure you can see all that you are already doing for each other.

Of course, that is not so say that you are not inadequate. We will never be sufficient to fulfill our own calling to love. I am also not saying that we could not achieve so much more. Look at what we have now and imagine how much more it could be if we took the risks, put in the extra effort, redefined the vision and looked not just to ministering to each other but to the community surrounding us. Our potential is limitless with the power of God.

I do want to say that I see God within you; don’t lose sight of what compels you to live with integrity and irrational love. You can make a difference by the attitude that you work even if it feels so inadequate. I see it and I think others do too."

The WHOLE crew for once in a picture in Philadelphia From left: Jonathan, Abby, Leah, Evan, Krista, Me, Eva